Not so great news...read all the way to the end!

So I had been having some trouble back at the beginning of June. I felt like I had a really terrible UTI. Thing is the doctor couldn't find any infection, though he sent a sample to a lab and they managed to grow non-specific bacteria. I went twice because the antibiotics just didn't seem to be working. Next step...a specialist. I am so tired of specialists at this point (a history of problems I won't share here) which I thought were finally figured out and over, and here I was supposedly headed off to another one.

Saturday June the 5th I decided to just go ahead and take the test. You know the test with the little pink lines? Only I used a test with a digital read out. The only reason I took the test was because both times I went to the doctors office (saw two doctors in the practice) was because both of them asked if there was a chance I could be pregnant. Guess they should have just run the test themselves and saved my poor body all those antibiotics. Yes that is right, I am pregnant with baby #4.

Apparently when I get pregnant and am on birth control pills my body acts like it has a terrible UTI even though I don't. Of course I instantly went off the pill and my pseudo UTI cleared up almost overnight.

At first I wasn't sure how I felt about being pregnant yet again. My brain had moved on, we were done at three, my visions of how the future was going to go were in place, but it didn't take long for me to start getting used to the idea. At this moment (June 22, 7 weeks pregnant) I am still in disbelief that I am actually pregnant. Not even feeling that morning sick, just a tad bit in the evening. I am tired, but not as exhausted as I remember being with the others.

Week 8 (June 29th)

Well, here I am a week later, June 29th 2010, 8 weeks pregnant and feeling about the same...perhaps this baby has decided to be kind to me and spare me the morning sickness.

Week 11 (July 20th)

I guess I spoke too soon. Although I suppose technically s/he has spared me "morning" sickness as this little seems to kick in at night....right around supper time! I consistently started getting "evening" sick at 9.5 weeks and am now at 11 weeks and it is getting very slightly better. Exhaustion also set in. It's amazing how quickly you forget just how tired you can be! All in all my mind is starting to adjust to the addition to the family, though I must admit to some panicky feelings when I try and picture myself getting 4 kids out the door to school come February. Two in school and two to stay with me. Maybe my in-laws will spell me for a few weeks and take Nathan and Emily to school for me...I suppose that I'm getting a little ahead of myself, but I figure it never hurts to be prepared.

Oh by the way my official due date is February 8th. If this little one goes late I could end up having a mothers day baby (Emily), an Easter baby (Megan), AND a Valentine's baby! Wouldn't that be interesting :) That would be six days past due date...Megan went 8 days past. Of course if s/he is born on Valentines day s/he would be my only non-Sunday baby. All three of the others have been born on a Sunday.

August 19, 2010

Since today is the day of hope, speaking up and remember child loss wether it is through miscarriage, stillborn, infant death, or accident, I am going to celebrate the brief life of my fourth child. I wasn't going to post this, but feel like I would like you to share with you and sort of get it all out there.

I have been feeling like it is taboo to speak of my miscarriage which happened three weeks ago yesterday, but have since decided I have every right to grieve, openly or otherwise. Man I thought I was done tearing up at the drop of a hat, but here I sit with tears leaking our of my eyes!

Overall I am doing well. I have many blessings and know that God has his hand on all things. I am thankful that if happened fairly early (12 weeks), that I have three healthy wonderful living children, that my husband loves me so much, and for the friends and family who knew when it happened and grieved with me.

Nathan's Heart

I love my son! Of course I do, he's my son, but let me explain why I got that mommy warm fuzzy feeling in particular.
So Nathan's birthday is August the 10th and because of that we 'celebrated' at school on Thursday, May 27th with cupcakes. He has a little girl in his class who is wheat sensitive and we made special (and quite tasty) wheat free chocolate cupcakes for her and I put the same white frosting on her cupcake as the other chocolate cupcakes. As we are getting ready to hand them out, his fabulous first grade teacher noticed he was looking sad or upset about something. At this point my darling son started to break down and cry (not harsh sobbing, just I'm upset and my eyes are leaking and mouth is sad looking cry). The reason for his tears you ask? Though we had made a special cupcake for Halley, Kylie who has no allergies or sensitivities that I am aware of, doesn't like chocolate. He was upset because she wasn't going to get to enjoy the cupcake. How sweet is that!!! Of course had I known that we probably would have gotten a different kind, but I had no foreknowledge of such a dislike.
On a note off my sons soft heart, I was impressed with the caring and concern shown by the others in his class. Several of the boys in his class got up when they realized he was crying and started patting his back and head and telling him that it was going to be all right. And Kylie, who indeed did not eat her chocolate cupcake, piped up and said "It's OK Nathan, it has white frosting. It's all good!"
I hope all of these children never lose their caring hearts for other people!

Emily's 5 and Missing Megan

Well Emily's birthday party went well. On Thursday night I actually woke myself up with a stomach ache worrying over whether anyone would come or not. I hadn't had any RSVPs yet. Seems kind of silly I suppose to worry over that, but her little heart was sure that EVERYONE invited was going to come. Thankfully, though not everyone could come, her two best friends made it plus several other little girls and their siblings, and her three cousins came. I think she would have been happy with just her two best friends. I was pleasantly surprised that her little friend Lilli from Kung Fu joined us with her family. Emily's was the second birthday party of the day, out of three for them.

When we got home we unloaded all the stuff and then I was having Nathan and Emily pick up all the garbage that was in the van. Megan was following me around and I leaned into the van just for a moment to grab the actual garbage can to empty it and when I had done that Megan was gone. I didn't immediately panic. I went through the shop first because she had been peeking in the door way just a minute before, but when I didn't see her there I did start to panic. I suppose I should explain why I panicked so quickly. Megan is my wanderer. Though she is terribly clingy when strangers are around, on her own she explores and she loves to be outside. The last time she disappeared David found her all the way down our driveway and across the bridge heading out towards the main road. This road is easy on/off to the I-5 and it would only take seconds for her to simply disappear forever.

(This picture is taken from our front yard. The driveway is on the right and heads across the picture to the left. )

So after informing David I couldn't find Megan I ran down the driveway to see if I could see her. Nathan followed me and of course I didn't find her. Now panic was setting in. She had been missing for probably 3 or 4 minutes at this point. I came back to the house where David had been searching with no success and then really started panicking. On the verge of tears I went back out to the shop one more time, and David headed down the driveway, one more time. This time, thankfully, there Megan was in the shop calmly playing with...nails! Sorting them from one bucket to another. I sent Nathan running down the driveway to tell David (shouting all the way "We found her...We found her!") and I promptly burst into tears and picked Megan up and headed down the driveway after Nathan.

Even now thinking about it increases my blood pressure!

God is so good and I thank Him for answering my prayers for Megan to be safe and found!

(This picture is taken maybe halfway down our driveway and shows the covered bridge which begins our driveway. Main road is just across this bridge.)