Not so great news...read all the way to the end!

So I had been having some trouble back at the beginning of June. I felt like I had a really terrible UTI. Thing is the doctor couldn't find any infection, though he sent a sample to a lab and they managed to grow non-specific bacteria. I went twice because the antibiotics just didn't seem to be working. Next step...a specialist. I am so tired of specialists at this point (a history of problems I won't share here) which I thought were finally figured out and over, and here I was supposedly headed off to another one.

Saturday June the 5th I decided to just go ahead and take the test. You know the test with the little pink lines? Only I used a test with a digital read out. The only reason I took the test was because both times I went to the doctors office (saw two doctors in the practice) was because both of them asked if there was a chance I could be pregnant. Guess they should have just run the test themselves and saved my poor body all those antibiotics. Yes that is right, I am pregnant with baby #4.

Apparently when I get pregnant and am on birth control pills my body acts like it has a terrible UTI even though I don't. Of course I instantly went off the pill and my pseudo UTI cleared up almost overnight.

At first I wasn't sure how I felt about being pregnant yet again. My brain had moved on, we were done at three, my visions of how the future was going to go were in place, but it didn't take long for me to start getting used to the idea. At this moment (June 22, 7 weeks pregnant) I am still in disbelief that I am actually pregnant. Not even feeling that morning sick, just a tad bit in the evening. I am tired, but not as exhausted as I remember being with the others.

Week 8 (June 29th)

Well, here I am a week later, June 29th 2010, 8 weeks pregnant and feeling about the same...perhaps this baby has decided to be kind to me and spare me the morning sickness.

Week 11 (July 20th)

I guess I spoke too soon. Although I suppose technically s/he has spared me "morning" sickness as this little seems to kick in at night....right around supper time! I consistently started getting "evening" sick at 9.5 weeks and am now at 11 weeks and it is getting very slightly better. Exhaustion also set in. It's amazing how quickly you forget just how tired you can be! All in all my mind is starting to adjust to the addition to the family, though I must admit to some panicky feelings when I try and picture myself getting 4 kids out the door to school come February. Two in school and two to stay with me. Maybe my in-laws will spell me for a few weeks and take Nathan and Emily to school for me...I suppose that I'm getting a little ahead of myself, but I figure it never hurts to be prepared.

Oh by the way my official due date is February 8th. If this little one goes late I could end up having a mothers day baby (Emily), an Easter baby (Megan), AND a Valentine's baby! Wouldn't that be interesting :) That would be six days past due date...Megan went 8 days past. Of course if s/he is born on Valentines day s/he would be my only non-Sunday baby. All three of the others have been born on a Sunday.

August 19, 2010

Since today is the day of hope, speaking up and remember child loss wether it is through miscarriage, stillborn, infant death, or accident, I am going to celebrate the brief life of my fourth child. I wasn't going to post this, but feel like I would like you to share with you and sort of get it all out there.

I have been feeling like it is taboo to speak of my miscarriage which happened three weeks ago yesterday, but have since decided I have every right to grieve, openly or otherwise. Man I thought I was done tearing up at the drop of a hat, but here I sit with tears leaking our of my eyes!

Overall I am doing well. I have many blessings and know that God has his hand on all things. I am thankful that if happened fairly early (12 weeks), that I have three healthy wonderful living children, that my husband loves me so much, and for the friends and family who knew when it happened and grieved with me.